addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
