weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
