I wanna bring you to show and tell
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
