I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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