I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
