she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
