We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
