honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
