even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
