she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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