Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize