where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
