He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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