last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
