How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
