I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
