I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
