Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
