Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
