I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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