is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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