You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
