That's when you crack a 10am beer
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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