Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
