How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
