On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
