dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize