do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
me + whiskey = a bad person
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
