I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
