We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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