ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
