is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
