something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize