i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
