I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He passed out mid-signature
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
