Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Randomize
