dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
