i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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