rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
