Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
