it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
