dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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