but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
