Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
