A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
