I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
