Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
