very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
