party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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