she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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