The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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