I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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