hell yes lets make some ravioli
This house was built for laser tag.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
