I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Randomize
