is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
we made out on top of his cat.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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