Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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