At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
