Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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