I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
