I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
