I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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