She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
