I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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