Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
