Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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