just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
