he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
