Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
