"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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