I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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