Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
