I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
