It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
