Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
God I need to hump something, right now.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
